I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
We had sex on a dog bed..
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
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