Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
