Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
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