Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
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