I want to stick my p in your. b.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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