I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
My nipple is on Facebook.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
