It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Randomize
