yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
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