textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
i just had sex bonerless
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
