What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
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I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
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I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
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