I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I AM VODKA MAN
Come back. Shots need mouths.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Randomize
