As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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