we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
This baby is an asshole
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
