best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I have already put on my inside pants.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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