Kareoke will never be a sober sport
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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