Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
