Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
