I think my fart just growled at me.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Randomize
