I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
