dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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