I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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