You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
