How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Randomize
