His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Randomize
