And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Randomize
