I just saw a hot homeless man
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
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