on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
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Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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