He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
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