i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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