well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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