i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
