Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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