Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
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So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
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the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
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