I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
