I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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