just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Randomize
