I think my vagina is haunted
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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