If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
