I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
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