Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
