Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
