she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
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