I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
