I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
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