school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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