i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
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