He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
