dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
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