Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
