first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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