Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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