first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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