I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
