I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
