I showed him my bush... on skype.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
