I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
