I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
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