please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
