Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I AM VODKA MAN
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
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