i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Randomize
