You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
zippers are such a cool invention
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize