May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
