This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
