I heard we made out
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
