I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
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