I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
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