you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
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